Mums The Word!

In 1981 the Air Traffic Controller’s went on strike. President Ronald Reagan, ordered all the controllers back to work as they were federal employee’s. Much ill will was too be had on both sides. In 1998 Washington DC renamed their airport, The Ronald Reagan International Airport. While I personally feel, ( I know careful my politics are showing), that it was a brilliant decision, an Air traffic Controller when asked his opinion on calling in flights to the Ronald Reagan Airport said. “I’d rather have a red hot poker in my eye.”

I bring this up not so much for the irony, but for the fact that I too am about to do something that is hot poker in the eye enducing. I’m going to get on an eighteen hour flight and fly to the other side of the world with not one but two toddlers. As well as a husband who will promptly go to sleep as soon as the flight attendant begins the safety procedures. It’s like they cast a spell on him and the only way to wake him up is the pilot telling us the weather as we land. The toddlers in question are not docile little girl toddlers that will sit and color for hours or quietly play with dolls. Nope they’re little boy toddlers. The kind that cannot sit still for more then 3 minutes at a time. They do not color unless it’s on something besides paper. All of their activities require movement and noise. I know you’ve sat next to me on flights before. Be grateful at least you can drink.

I checked online for all those sites that have travel tips with toddlers. Not one bit of useful info on how to survive the flight. I know I can’t give them Benadryl. Yes I will make sure they have plenty of things to do on the flight and we’ll all take walks up and down the aisles to avoid blood clots. How to end tantrums, no info whatsoever.

I however have a solution this time, and it’s a good one. On this flight I’m not going to be the Mommy. I’m going to be Masi (Aunty). I’m going to let them do whatever they want. Want to watch 10 straight hours of inflight television? Go ahead. Don’t want to eat anything but goldfish crackers and chocolate? Make my day. Want to use your Dad’s head as a drum? Well I was saving that for my inflight entertainment…but go ahead. I doubt that will wake him up either. Want to drink soda instead of milk? At least put some peanuts in the coke for protein ok? This plan is perfect. I figure if I never say no to anything the novelty of it will keep them going for the first half of the flight, and the inflight television for the second half. Barring an earache or cold I’m going to be all right.

The flight is in two days. I’ll keep you posted on how this plan works out. In the meantime if you hear of any male airline passengers who were assaulted either in Taipei or Bombay, come visit me in Jail.

I’m throwing myself a pity party this Friday. I’m going to pull out baby pictures of my angelic son and drown my sorrows in root beer and jalapeno poppers. Saturday is his 2nd birthday and on Friday I’m going to say goodbye to my angel and prepare for battle.

There are parenting books out there that will attempt to teach you the psychology of the two year old mind. Hang on to these they’re usually nice and heavy and will make excellent shields. Perhaps you feel this is a bit extreme? I have a 3 and a half year old as well. I watched as the child I had been swaddling not that long ago emerged on his second birthday not into a beautiful butterfly as one would hope, but into a howler monkey whose favorite word was “NO!”.

These books that you will read about coping with 2 year olds will claim that they are just old enough to understand they are a separate entity from you and yet not capable of many simple tasks. The behavior is a sign of frustration these books will claim. Don’t you believe it. They understand that their separate entities alright, but the behavior is motivated by establishing supremacy not by frustration. Don’t believe me? Look deeply into the eyes of a two year olds parent. If you can they have mastered the art of sleeping with thier eyes wide open.

You know Your a Mom When:

When driving about town, you get really excited about trash and fire trucks
even when your alone in the car.

While the name and make of your spouses car may elude you,
the names of all the Pixar cars are clearly etched in your brain perhaps never to be removed.

You think its normal to get dressed with a child attached to either one or both of your legs, even when your wearing pants.

At dinner the other night you cut your food into little bites before you started to eat.

The phrase “monkey on your back” no longer means what George Micheal meant it to mean.

You think 80’s music is perfectly ok for small children to listen too, the stuff on the radio these days is just Scandalous!!

Your idea of a good day is a shower without interruption.

For all your complaining when the kids sneak into bed with you, you like it.

You make the kids take a nap because you need it!

Your idea of a great time is dancing around the living room to Farmer in the Dell accompanied by little people.

When you go out to dinner without the kids just for a break all you talk about is the kids.

You think your name is Mommy!

I have two kids, one is three and a half and one is 2. Of all the toys we have purchased and received my hands down favorite is the bubble machine. While all toys are fun for a while this one is used the most and is even a aid in housecleaning! More on that later.

The children never get tired of the bubbles and it can be used inside or outside. I’ve taken it to picnics, and used it at several birthday parties. It transports easily and even the grownups love it. There are very few toys a 3 year old and 2 year old can agree on and this is one of them. Since the fun is in chasing the bubbles, we don’t have to worry about sharing. Anyone with two and three year olds knows what a challenge sharing can be. I’m in favor of any toy that will keep the kids busy and active while I can sit and have a cup of chai uninterrupted.

The housecleaning comes in when you turn the bubbles on in the kitchen once the floor is nice and soapy its easy to talk the kids into sliding around on their hands and knees with wet rags! I’m not saying the floor is much cleaner at the end of this, but it sure is fun!

How do you manage you children’s allergies? Please leave a comment!

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